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Actor Mark Rylance
talks about the company
When I was the artistic director of
Shakepeare's Globe Theatre I became
aware of the cruel history of animal bating
along the south bank during Shakespeare's
day. Bears, bulls and dogs were regularly
pitted against each other in amphitheatres
like the Globe for the sensation seeking
spectator.
I used to compare the characters in
Shakespeare's plays with these gladiatorial
animals and propose that Shakespeare was
attracting his sensational audience by pitting
humanity's own wild animal nature – most
apparent in the extraordinary power of our
appetites and affections, conscious and
unconscious - against itself.
All schools of learning I have encountered
have understood the necessity of a journey
into the unlit corridors of the unconscious
desires. The ancient Greek schools of
wisdom and all indigenous tribal people I
have read about, felt and feel the need to
initiate their young people into these
mysteries. They understand how easily an
individual, particularly a gifted, imaginative
individual, can be overwhelmed by their
unconscious desires. Like Shakespeare they
learned to prepare their young for these
dangers through dramatic experience,
initiatory drama.
Even as I thought and wrote down these
ideas during my early years at the Globe, I
myself had developed a habitual and
debilitating addiction to Marijuana, which I
used to mask my consciousness from my
deeper desires, angers, and grief.
A bright light of guidance for me was a winter
visit to a small community hall in
Hammersmith. Sitting in a circle with
strangers I had my first experience of the
theatre of OUTSIDE EDGE. I didn't know if
what I was witnessing was real or acted. I
remember all my fears and emotions rising to
the surface of my mind as I witnessed scenes
all too familiar and explored the possibility of
different choices that we, the audience were
allowed to suggest and then invited to enact.
This was proper initiatory old style theatre.
This was prospero's island!
It was one of the most powerful and helpful
theatrical events of my life. I returned to my
own life with a new courage to encounter the
truth and be conscious.
I gave up Marijuana four years ago and
enjoy a life free of that muffled duvet of
smoke and gloomy paranoia I wrapped
around my head for so many years.
I witnessed Phil Fox and his actors at work
again a couple of weeks ago. 9:30am. A
group of brave addicts trying to get straight
in the basement of a London rehab centre.
No set, no costume, no lights, just honest
searching acting and open interchange
between the actors and the audience.
Everyone searching for the best credible
outcome to their story.
I am a great admirer of the companies work
and play.
Mark Rylance
A Season in Hell
I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. Theatre
saved my life. I started using drugs when I was about
15/16. I drank a lot too. I was self obsessed and lacked
confidence. I felt less than anyone and didn’t feel I could
fit in anywhere. My problem, although I couldn't see it at
the time, was me. I blamed most people for the way I felt
and behaved but really I had no one to blame but me. No
one forced a needle into my arm or a drink down my
throat or powder up my nose. I had grown up with
alcoholics, so inevitably I hurt inside. But the choice to
use drugs and drink to numb that pain was mine. I started
doing a theatre course in Chiswick. I loved theatre. It was
my salvation. Then during my time there, what seemed
like a mountain of personal problems engulfed me. I tried
to commit suicide and very nearly succeeded. My season
in Hell had started.
Out of Control
I never finished the course in Chiswick. This was because
I felt too ashamed to go back after the suicide attempt.
The drugs that I was using to cope were only making
things worse. They contributed to that sense of
hopelessness that had led to the attempt on my life. I was
admitted into a psychiatric hospital, which in a way was
just what I needed. I was heavily into puff, barbituates,
acid, alcohol and speed. I was in hospital for a while.
After which my drug use really took off. In the hospital I
let go of the idea of going into theatre. It was probably
the right thing to do. I wasn’t to apply for drama school
until a few years later when I got into Manchester
Polytechnic. Those few years before I got into college
kind of shaped me. My drug use got worse - yes, I nearly
killed myself on several more occasions (accidentally this
time), but I knew there was something inside me that was
adding up these experiences. My identity was lost but
one thing that I held onto was that I was an artist. I didn’t
know what kind of artist, but it gave me a centre, a
meaning to the insanity of my drug use. It seemed I had a
little bit more than my friends who had nothing. By now I
was into smack and well out of control. That’s the funny
thing with drug addiction, you really believe that you can
control your usage of drugs but actually your whole life is
governed by them: getting out of bed, who you hang out
with, crimes you commit, the hurt you cause others, the
chaos. My experiences as a drug addict gave me a kind
of identity. But underneath that was a seriously fucked up
guy. My drug taking held me together. Yet the more I
used the more I thought I was falling apart. Without them I
thought I would die. Then theatre came back into my life.
Hopeless
As I started tentatively back into that world I had a vision -
a powerful energy poured through my veins - an
extraordinary feeling that I had to get involved in drama, I
had something I needed to do, and before anything else.
So there I was, a hopeless junkie, hardly able to talk to
anyone, thinking of getting involved in theatre as a
professional. Mad really, but I did it. I got myself into
theater school. I got through it by the skin of my teeth.
There were some people there, other students, who saw
what I was doing to myself and showed concern. They
saw beyond the angry, frightened mess I had become.
Then I left the Poly and promptly lost my first
professional acting job though my active drug addiction.
This was the last straw. While I was in drama school,
although using, my addiction was at ebb. It didn’t fill every
waking hour. Drama was a substitute, a safe place for me
to take time out from the heroin attacks. My dependency
on smack was still growing and taking me over but I had a
focus. I was contained and to an extent healed. I had
invested so much of myself in theatre that loosing it was
tantamount to loosing everything for me. There were
other problems of course: money, relationships, physical
and mental health etc. But my first professional job was
gone and it seemed like theatre was over for me. It was
the straw that broke the camels back. I couldn’t deny it
anymore. I couldn’t deny that the misery that was my life
was caused by my addiction to drugs. I’d had enough. I’d
hit rock bottom. I was emotionally, physically and
spiritually finished.
Getting Clean
Why have I given you this potted history of my drug and
alcohol addiction? I guess because it is so intrinsic to my
life and art. For me it goes together. I managed to put
down the drugs. I started working as an actor. It didn’t get
me to the places I wanted to go: international super-
stardom (sic). It led me at first to a few theatre/art center
tours with small touring companies, fringe, TIE, some
community theatre, a little bit of TV, loads of
unemployment, etc, etc. I never really felt I got anywhere.
One thing though I stayed clean. Through a couple of
contacts, I started to do a little bit of drama work in drug
and alcohol treatment centres and prisons. The people
there, addicts like myself, would come up to me
afterwards and ask if there was anything more they could
do to get involved in drama. And then it occurred to me: I
could start a theatre company that produced work with
and for people affected by drug/alcohol addiction, work
that could even be accessible to the general public. I was
there. What my entire struggle had been about. I’d
uncovered a missing piece of the jigsaw. I’d finally found
me.
The Outside Edge Theatre Company
Thus, The Outside Edge Theatre Company came into
being. I can’t pretend it’s been easy. And I don’t think I
could convince you that it is, with funding as one of the
major stumbling blocks. Yet we’ve been in operation
since 1999. Doing two, sometimes three tours a year.
Tours to drug and alcohol treatment centres where our
work focuses on getting off of drugs/alcohol,
understanding the effect that substance misuse has on
families, violence, prostitution etc. We did a residency
once at Wormwood Scrubs, working with a group of lifers.
This may obvious to you but for me I was shocked to
hear that most of the guys we worked with had killed
someone when they were off their heads on something,
usually coke or alcohol. Working with these guys, getting
them to create theatre that they performed to the rest of
the inmates showed me how this stuff works. They were
articulating concepts and ideas that the other prisoners
really listened to. And it was all around their drug and
alcohol experiences - experiences that had led them into
prison in the first place. And it really had an effect.
Band of Guerrillas
Now The Outside Edge is entering a new phase. In
addition to the usual work of the company and despite
working in difficult times, I’m trying to bring together
audiences/participants of both people affected by
substance misuse and people not affected by substance
misuse in a cultural partnership in order to challenge
perceptions and ultimately effect societal changes. I see
Outside Edge Theatre Company as a small band of
guerrillas in the war on drugs. I’m hoping that one day,
we’ll turn into an army.
A Final Word
I was asked once why I had started the company. I
remember mumbling a few superficial words. Then I got
real. My addiction to drugs nearly killed me. My
involvement with theatre and drama saved my life. I
started The Outside Edge Theatre Company in the hope
that other lives might be saved to.
Jimmy Page and
The Outside EdgeTC
'I am delighted and proud to be a supporter
of The Outside Edge Theatre Company.
They manage, under the guidance of Phil
Fox, to produce artistically excellent work
that challenges and entertains audiences at
the same time as making a real difference.
They demonstrate the very real capacity of
live performance to positively transform
shattered lives. Edge's work with addicts -
and the ways in which their performances
awaken audiences and provoke debate - is
quite simply stunning'
Phil Fox, Artistic Director
of the company, tells us
what brought him to the
Edge.
of the company, tells us
what brought him to the
Edge.